Home > Who Dresses These People? > The obligatory Lindsey Lohan post.

The obligatory Lindsey Lohan post.

So, if you’ve been in a cave, Lindsey Lohan is sort of an actress. And she’s sort of spoiled and snotty and bitchy. And she drinks a whole lot. And gets caught driving after drinking. OK, so much for history and background.

She got busted for a DUI a while back and got put on probation. She violated the terms of her probation. The judge gave her 90 days for said violation which she will do in the LA County Jail. She had some commentary on said sentence…

To the surprise of anyone who actually studies crime and punishment, Lindsay Lohan weighed in on the subject Wednesday night via Twitter:

“It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights that ….. ‘No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.’ ” She then quoted from a 2002 Cato Institute paper by legal scholar Erik Luna decrying unfair sentencing guidelines: “Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted ….. system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules.”

So, you got that, right? “Torture”? “Degrading treatment”? Frankly, and I don’t follow LL, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of her movies or TV shows, the snippets of LL’s so-called career that I’ve seen are cause for torture charges against her. And for the degrading treatment part, who’s she going to have charged? Herself? Please.

But there is a bright spot. We actually discover that Libertarians have a pretty good sense of humor.

The folks at the D.C.’s libertarian think tank were tickled by the unlikely shoutout, but Cato senior fellow Walter Olsen says the jail-bound actress missed the mark.

“She needs to be more careful in her legal research — too much time in bars and not enough in law libraries,” he told us. The Supreme Court struck down those sentencing guidelines in 2005, and the UN declaration has nothing to do with her case. “Not now or ever has the Geneva Convention protected the right to flip off the judge.”

Now then, never letting a crisis go to waste, perhaps TheBoyPresident™ should be looking into this situation. I think there are some opportunities for him here.

The first one would be to pardon her. After all, he’s issued exactly zero pardons so far and that’s a Presidential low. Now I know you can make the case that “zero” would be an appropriate number for Zero, but let’s not be petty. And you could also make the point that, given his performance in office so far, “a Presidential low” would also be appropriate. That one, I don’t think, is so petty.

Then there’s always the opportunity for TBP™ to make some points in the Islamic world and with human rights advocates at the same time. And that’s no easy task. As LL noted in one of her latest tweets on the human rights part of her complaint, the Iranians are threatening to stone some woman for adultery. Given the lessons learned in the recent Ruskie spy swap (we shouldda kept the cute one) I would thing TBP™ might want to swap LL for the Iranian adulteress. What the heck, LL has probably committed adultery more times than the Iranian woman and I’m SURE she been stoned enough that one more time wouldn’t be a really big deal for her.

Come on Zero, pick one. Please.

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